Do you want to know a secret
About the old lady who lives down by the brook?
You've got to know the one I mean
Cos her head's always stuck in a book.

Well, I heard it on the grape-vine
Whilst mooching about the other day.
That mop of red hair the old lady displays
Is really salt and pepper grey.

I got it from a reliable source
From the mouth of the old woman's cat.
It was he who told me this gossip
And I've no reason to disbelieve that.

He appeared to be enjoying himself
Basking in all the glory.
I sat there listening intently
As he told me this funny little story.

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon
When the old lady draped a towel round her neck.
She then covered her head in a bright red slime
And proceeded to do a time check.

Slowly the red began to drip down her neck
And then run down her face.
The mess it caused was beyond belief
Red slime all over the place.

The old lady carried on reading her book
Forgetting to wash off the red.
But when she remembered it was far too late
And she now had a bright orange head.

So now I've told you the secret
You must promise not to repeat it to anyone.
The old woman's cat will get his butt kicked in
If she hears we've been poking fun.

So next time you see the old lady
Sitting contentedly reading her book.
Bow your head respectfully
But on the sly... take a quick look.

İKaye Stubbington
11th.October 2011